Yesterday was one of those days. I am sure you know the ones. It seemed like Peter and I were carrying one kid off to time out on repeat and then when one would settle down, the next one started in. Ugh! There was lots of disobedience, whining, crying, and just general anger/crabbiness. I felt like I held my cool for awhile and then I came unglued and was crabby, whiny, and angry. I didn't deal with my children's disobedience in the way that God is calling me to deal with it.
When my children are having rough days with their behavior I seem to end up sinning by acting in anger, expecting my children to behave well and stay self-controlled when I am not, and not taking a break and praying before dealing with their behavior.
Then I feel the shameful thoughts and fears and worries rush in: I am a terrible mother, I am worried about my children's souls (Thanks, Mom, for that line!), and I just feel like God is ashamed of me and I am a failure to him.
I have been trying to surrender my emotions to God but sometimes it feels like he is so far away. I think after days like yesterday it is easy to slip into guilt and shame. I know that God does not want me to run from him. I know that he wants me to repent and draw near. So that is what I am doing. I am laying down my sins and my fears.
I thought just how much that applies in parenthood as well. I think that I need to fight my children's behavior to keep them behaving. In all reality, I think that God is asking me to have the guts to not fight their behaviors with my worldly ideas and submit my worries about their behavior to him. He is not asking for perfection, but faithfulness. No, I did not exhibit faithfulness when I lost my temper with my children, but I do feel like I express faithfulness when I repent of those sins and entrust my children's behavior and my parenting to God. I know that God's mercies are new every morning.
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